If I had money I’d get my way

800px-USMC-02030Nobody ever accused me of attempting to get my way in church politics because of my money. This was not due to my stellar character, but rather to the emptiness of my wallet. Just once I’d like to have enough money to push my weight around. If I had the money to get my way in how the church does church, here are some changes you’d see if you came to worship where I hold sway:

After the first worship song, the congregation sits until the 7th inning stretch, or the Holy Spirit moves.
The chorus of each worship song is repeated no more than three times . . . period!
No more than two happy-clappy songs per service.
Sermons limited to 20 minutes. (Don’t pretend to be shocked, you know you want the same thing.)
Pastor does not repeat the same point during the sermon.
Pastor does not repeat the same point during the sermon.
Pastor does not repeat the same point during the sermon.
Extroverts sit up front, introverts in back . . . even if it means husbands and wives don’t sit together.
Absolutely NO, under ANY circumstances, 30 seconds of cursory meet-and-greet (unless the extroverts can keep it among themselves).
Ladies wearing too much perfume must sit with the extroverts.
Men wearing tank-top shirts will be admired for their laissez-faire spirit, and told to never do it again.
No mobile phones ringing during the service . . . it just wouldn’t happen in my world.
A four month annual moratorium on sermons about anything in Paul’s letters in the New Testament.
Pastor limited to one 6 to 8 week sermon series per year. (Don’t hate me for trying to break us out of the rut.)
Small groups will be called small groups, not home groups, fellowship groups, connect groups, care groups, fusion groups, community groups, friendship groups, or (shudder) life groups.
The pastor will not shout during the sermon. (That’s why we have microphones.)
Because they care, leaders will conduct exit surveys of people who leave the church dissatisfied

I could go on, but you get the point. The modern church has done much to accommodate the tastes and needs of a tremendous variety of people. But there is NO church that can meet everybody’s expectations, including the expectations of wealthy congregants. In a perfect church, those with money would not expect their money to buy credibility and a higher degree of influence. Cred and influence should be earned through such things as longevity, service, intelligence, experience, humility, and right living. But what does a guy with a skinny wallet know?

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Posted on October 25, 2014, in Uncategorized and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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